brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
