But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
