I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
