i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
