I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Randomize
