So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
