id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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