hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
