I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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