wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
