I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
