GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize