Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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