WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i already hear my dad disowning me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
