I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
should my penis look like a turkey
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
