Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
