Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
