Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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