I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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