dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
