i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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