If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
