i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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