READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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