We got so high we made milksteak
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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