i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
