So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I need moral support for this bender
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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