I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You are the jesus of drinking
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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