you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
