I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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