Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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