PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Randomize
