is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
