I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
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My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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