dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
