I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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