Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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