I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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