Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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