i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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