Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
