I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
