It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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