I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
