saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
