the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
