I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
