got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
time to smoke my breakfast
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
