The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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