it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
