How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
