i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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