meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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