I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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