So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
