I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
