dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
