That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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