He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
