You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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