From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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