I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
