Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
