from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
