bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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