he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
