i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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