I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
