Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
