Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
