i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
sex in a hospital.. check
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
